It’s always the ones people consider strong, the ones who look like they have got all their things together.
I woke today to the Facebook Post of 22nd August announcing the death of a young lady poet, her death was related to depression. I followed the ‘bread crumbs’ of her story looking for details and found out she had killed herself.
According to the comments on the farewell attributes, she was one available for many, very active with her editor work, very present in many people’s lives; always available. She idolizes, loved, many aspired to be like, she was motivational.
It’s always the ones who are always available for and involved in everyone around them’s life. Everyone runs to them for help, everyone idolize them and picks inspiration from them.
She killed herself.
I wondered if she took pills or cut her veins and bled out or she hanged herself and choked her wind pipe. I wondered because I have ever thought about those ways. What option would be the best and fastest to meet my creator?
There are reasons why it’s always the strong ones, these are;
– when they ask for help, some think it’s a joke that they are just being nice asking,
– when they disappear from their circle, many think they are doing some world breaking innovations, discovering cures to rare diseases, solving major world problems,
– when they are sad, they have to hide it because they have been idolised as the happiest (FYI there is a difference between joy and happiness, one is everlasting and the other is obsolete) and, or that they can’t show their sadness, talk about it for the world needs more motivation than sadness. It needs superheroes for it to move forward,
– when they are lonely, many ask ‘but how can you be, you have very many friends?’ as if being popular and inspirational makes one friend to those they inspire.
– when they take their lives, they are called quitters, cowards and ‘oh they were so inspirational, motivational. They had it all going so well, why end it like that?’
This morning I survived a fatal accident, a hardware world truck lost its breaks and crashed into cars at a terrific speed, heading straight for me who was on a bike. I jumped off the bike as my rider froze and landed on my knee and side butt in the middle of the road, as the truck continued coming. With in minutes I was pushed out of the road to the side by what I know as an angel sent by God and stood there trembling as the truck moved on to a stop in the total station.
My first thought was ‘I should call someone’, next was ‘who should I call who will drop whatever they are doing and come to my aid?’ You see I am that person who believes I can do all things if I put my mind and might at it, but recently I learnt that that is how I invited depression into my life. And that moment when I was trembling, feeling my body normalize and accepting the pain did I over power my desire to suck it up and cried out for help.
I called my fiance, called my mum and then got myself to the nearby clinic to get painkillers. My struggle is that even when I was talking to them, I was not willing myself to let them know that was in pain, I sugar coated it and called it minor. But these people know me, they know how I struggle with being seen weak, being vulnerable and those two depresses me.
As I write this, I am back home in bed. Waiting for my fiance and tearing up at the thought that I was about to be crushed to death by a truck. That I would have died today( 24th August 2017 at 10.25 am).
If you know of someone who has some of the characteristics mentioned above about strong people, please surprise them today. Go spend some good hours with them. Make sure you leave them saying something like ‘thank you, I needed that/this.’