‘Let me write today’s blog’ I told myself but ‘I am so invested in reading what has been written by others’ my come back reply. I have been at it since I finished the first 20 blogs of yesterday and still went on to look for more.
Had it not been that blog, this blog -> Just Her <-, I would have continued reading and not written anything.
That blog inspired me to post chapter one of what happened to be a book I was working on (I hope Joel, this reposting is acceptable in the challenge) until my emotions and editor told me to take a break away from my emotions or the book in the meantime.
I chose the book…
You see I still like the feelings and thoughts associated to the book and the emotions it brought out of me. (Read on you will see why)
I saw him at one of those The Sound Cup events,
I was taken by his appearance; my mind like a camera took his picture and saved it forever.
I never considered it a coincidence but fate, in my soul I was praying to see him again and maybe get to hear him speak,
I saw him later again, across the street,
I walked to him and said “Hi”, the “Hi” that brought him into my world to torture me in my dreams indefinitely…
I longed for a voice to add to the image, I received it. That was a wrong move because now I hear him and see him in my dreams.
I was not sure what to say after the “hi”, so I stammered, never expected him to say “hi” back. I actually thought he would ignore me and think me insane. Who walks to a stranger minding his business and focused on his way and says “Hi”, I did.
I wanted to run away, my body was reacting to what my ears were hearing – my nipples shot through my bra and top, and there was that almost unknown feeling pressing warmth at the bottom of my belly…
I swear, I never thought he would have such an effect on me. All I wanted to do was say “Hi ” and be on my way.
I said “Hi” to this stranger and I had no straight answer after he replied. He even started a conversation, and I was freaking out.
I am thankful for the passion I have for my work, because when he asked “what do you do?” I had speaking like those street preachers, I had found my ground, next thing I know we were sharing numbers and a promise for a meet. He had liked my enthusiasm about my work and need to find out if I could his company out.
I tend to be gullible, but I consider that a strength. I have used my gullible ability to get me in places I never thought I would be. This time it led me to a movie plot with him, and not one movie but two on different occasions, and a walk in the city under the moon in the mid of the night for hours.
I was so taken up by him that I felt and saw myself changing into something I also fought not to be, a girly gal – dresses came out, make up, heels, flirty look, my old runway walk and all that seductiveness that comes with crushing on someone.
In other words, I had found my prince. You should know this felt as a happy ever after story with no fear that fate might change it. And now as I write this maybe if fate changes it, but as I write this I am only left with a month’s memories of great times, images of a familiar face smiling at me in my nightmares and his voice so clear, that I wake up to see, if he is next to me. That warm voice that caused me to giggle so silly.
I had a crush and it left me empty and different. I used up all the “smart” words to describe what was happening to me, except one that was ringing deafeningly in my head: Love
I hoped and it never came to pass???????
I experienced his best: I saw his soul and felt him so deeply that it either scared him, OR he was good at pretending to be something he wasn’t, OR I was mad at him that he did not feel the same way I did.
I saw him for who he was, with no wings, crowns or the halo the world gave him. He was naked before me and I liked what I saw.
I laid with him but he never touched me, he never tried to take advantage of me yearning to be taken advantage of, I thought that it’s some form of respect, though I was annoyed by it, it also tortured me, and still does. Why didn’t he…
I miss his pets, the conversations about his dog. He is really passionate about his animals and his gym workouts. It made him so sexy and adorable.
I miss me listening to him and dreaming to melt in his arms, and he will never know because he was another woman’s man, my crush, my love, my moan, my unrequited desire.
He who keeps me awake and haunts my dream is another woman’s man.
End of Chapter One
And the chapter theme song, like the end of a season in a series.